The Ballad of the Fuji Zipper

Not long ago, I spotted a new Fuji Roubaix all decked out with its stock 105 or Ultegra or whatever gruppo and a delightful piece of flare. That Zipp bottle sure did look fast. Moreover, it told us, the bicycle-gawking public, that this reasonable-quality-for-bargain-prices bike shopper knows what’s up in the world of wasting paychecks on bicycle toys.

Sad news, friends: our Fuji Zipper has removed his bottle (and cage) from his aluminum screw-turning machine.

Even faster senza waterweight.

I’m quite aware that I’ve arranged a large stack of wood just a few feet behind me, ignited the seasoned winter warmers, and deployed a fan to direct the runoff at my bathing suit area, but I certainly hope I’ve had nothing to do with this.

Here’s the thing. I ride bikes because it’s fun. It puts my competitive streak to a healthful use and it gives me an excuse for my manorexia. Also, and way more importantly, I do it because I really think riding (and racing) bikes is cool. There, I said it. I clean my bike not only to keep my frame from corroding, but to keep it shiny. It looks better that way. Fuji Zipper, if you’re reading this, you should totes reinstall your Bianchi bottle cage for the portage of your superfast (it’sonewordbecauseI’vegotnotimeforspaces) Zipp bottle.

You have to ride your bike, so you should like it. That goes for you, too. Be well, and stay hydrated. This place sucks in August.