Sex, Components, + Rocknroll

Let’s face it: bicycles are sexy. They’ve got curves, thin, drawn lines, supple parts, and some that are just rock solid. I myself am a handlebar man. For those of you who follow me on twitter, you already know that I went to the US Royalty mansion party a little while back. US Royalty put on a very solid show, and I highly recommend checking them out when they do another DC show–August 5 at the Black Cat.

The highlight of the evening, though, was the beautiful rack I spotted on a redhead out front of the mansion.

The rack in question

The rack in question

Like I said, I’m a handlebar man. These are sexy handlebars because they are reasonably creative, but most importantly, they retain functionality. The full rig didn’t catch my eye at first, but upon further inspection…
Redhead in question.

Look at all the sexy parts.

Whoa whoa whoa, is that a Chris King headset? And a Time carbon fork? And a full Ultegra drive train? And this city beater’s owner knows well enough to put his (or a tall her) valve stems in line with the logos on his tires? Mmm. This is one sexy redhead.

Components can also make a bicycle significantly faster. Zipp isn’t kidding around when it calls its products Speed Weaponry.



Riding in the middle of a peloton full of Zipp deep section wheels sounds eerily similar to riding in a pack of Priuses (Prii?).
Gasoline should be sipped like a fine scotch.

Gasoline should be sipped like a fine scotch.

Everything that Zipp makes will make a bike faster. Everything. Let’s do an exercise. When you’re getting your road whip ready to do, say, a hill workout, what is the heaviest part of your bike? Your frame? Only if it’s steel. Your wheels? These are a close second. Your saddle? Not unless it’s filled with water. Wait a tick… there is something on your bike filled with water: your bottle! That’s it! Your filled water bottles are the heaviest part of your bike. Logic suggests that making the heaviest part of your bike (your water supply) faster (by making it Zipp) is the most effective upgrade someone can make. I was nothing short of titillated when I spotted this Fuji Roubaix at Eastern Market last week.
Simply. Better.

Simply. Better.

Notice all the other components on the bike… stock saddle, stock wheels, stock shifters, and (probably) all original cables and housings. Now take a look at the one upgrade: the Zipp bottle. It makes the bike look so fast it’s unreal. So here’s to you Roubaix Zipper. Try to stay away from traffic speed cameras, because you’re dangerous.

Now go buy tickets to the next US Royalty show.


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